Hello!
It has been a year since I last wrote something and there has been many things that have happened in life of course, because it has been a year. I have finished my first year of grad school! GO ME! I somewhat forgot how big of an accomplishment that really is for me. I have no motivation for school anymore but somehow I dug deep and motivated myself and rocked my first year of grad school.
My boyfriend has been home now for about 5 months and it has been great and also rocky at times. I have been trying to understand who I am now with a boyfriend. I have been in places where I have allowed that fact to consume all of my thoughts and I have been in places where I feel sad for how my life has been. I have felt like all I do is sit around and wait on him. All of these places have been a dangerous road for me because I have never dealt with any of these feelings before. I have been quite a nightmare to my boyfriend and for that I am truly sorry. I have been trying to find my place in this new life that I am now a part of. It is no longer just me going through life but it is now me and my boyfriend. I haven't found that happy medium yet where its a partnership. I have only had either the ALL mindset or the NOTHING mindset for over two years now and so I am working to find that middle ground. The transition that we have been making for the last 5 months has been a very bumpy one but I am finally looking at things with a different perspective. Part of that perspective came from him when he said we just need to look at things like we will be together for a long time and the other part of that perspective came from church last Sunday. We talked about what a courageous woman of God looks like. One of my favorite verses that we talked about was Proverbs 31:30- "Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised" This verse has been coming up for me all week and it is now a new goal for me. I want to strive to be a woman that is just so utterly beautiful on the inside that it cannot be contained and people will have to see it. I want to be a woman that can support her friends and significant relationships, with respect and with understanding. I don't want to be a woman that nags her friends and is unhappy because she is so worried about what everyone else is doing. I want to be a woman that keeps herself busy so that her days are filled with worth. I want to be a woman who loves and fears the Lord so much that it is noticeable to those that are around me. I just want to be allowed to walk through this journey with the ones I care about.
This is how I want the new ME to look like. I want to enjoy life and love all that is around me. I want to be less concerned with how things look and more concerned with how well I can live today.
No comments:
Post a Comment